Post by MrBeaujangles on May 30, 2011 10:56:30 GMT -8
Husband and wife were opening a joint bank account. Husband set the password as "p*nis." Wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer screen said "Password not long enough."
…………………..
A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing
a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."
……………………
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'
My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!'
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
…………………………
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $3.50
Hand Job: $10.00
After checking his wallet, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three beautiful blondes serving drinks to a wide eyed group of men.
"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes" she purrs "I am."
The man replies "Well wash your fu**ing hands, I want a cheese sandwich."
……………
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses run back into the room.
"What happened!?" they cried.
The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."
beau ;D ;D ;D
…………………..
A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing
a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."
……………………
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'
My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!'
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
…………………………
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $3.50
Hand Job: $10.00
After checking his wallet, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three beautiful blondes serving drinks to a wide eyed group of men.
"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes" she purrs "I am."
The man replies "Well wash your fu**ing hands, I want a cheese sandwich."
……………
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses run back into the room.
"What happened!?" they cried.
The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."
beau ;D ;D ;D